Mental Flux, ADHD, and Effort

Mental Flux, ADHD, and Effort

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The last few months have been some of the more difficult months I’ve had in terms of mental health in a long time. I know I encourage you to talk about your mental health when you’re feeling down, but the truth is I haven’t been following my own advice. I find it easier to write about it, so that’s what I do. In the last few weeks, things have been better. I have found the space to talk about it to some people, and that has made the load feel lighter.

I can’t even necessarily pinpoint what has caused this down shift. It’s not any one thing. I feel a little bit lost in my career. Especially when the mental health is vulnerable, rejections sting that little bit more, and comparing myself becomes a little bit easier to do. I find myself more concerned with my progression than my writing, and this is characteristic of my mental health being in a rough patch.

I also found out last week that I may well indeed have ADHD. Which hasn’t actually affected me negatively at all. It’s just another thing to give energy to, and at the moment, energy is sparse.

I don’t feel present. I feel like I’m always living looking at the horizon. And this means we can never be content with what we have because we are in constant observation of what we could have. I’m anxious about what the future might hold because I am focused too intently on it. I think this is the foundation of many mental health fluxes, and not just for me.

Overall – I’m okay. I’m not at my best. But it’s not a cause of panic and alarm (this sentence is specifically for my mother). It takes time and effort to get ourselves back to a place where we don’t feel insecure and anxious. The good news is I have a lot of time. And I have the ability to give a lot of effort.

Just like what with my writing, I may not always be at my best, but you can’t say I’m not persistent. We’ll get there in the end. Something you have to go through the hard bit to get to the good part.

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