Understanding Your Social Battery

I need to be social. I used to think I didn’t. I’d spend most of time on my own and then wonder why I’d fall into bouts of low mood, anxiety and loneliness. See, my work requires time on my own, and I tend to hyper fixate on things I’m passionate about. So when I found this work, the work I love, I began to obsessively spend all my time trying to do it. And I began to spend less and less time around other people.

So I realised that I need to be social. But there’s a limit to it. If I spend too much time around other people, this also causes anxiety and stress, because I’m not spending enough time doing the thing I love. I need to spend time around others, but there’s a balance to be struck. And this balance isn’t constant. Sometimes I need a lot of socialising, other times I need very little. It depends on where I am and what I’m doing.

Since moving to Barcelona, the amount I socialise has increased dramatically. I’m drinking less, which is good. But I’m spending more time around people, which means I’m spending less time doing this work. And this, at times, stresses me the fuck out.

I’ve talked before about productivity anxiety. How the need to be productive and cause problems within the rest of our lives. However, I’m aware that this feeling is different. It’s not a toxic need to be productive, but rather, I am unbalanced. I haven’t found the rhythm here to do a satisfying amount of writing, while still maintaining a healthy social life. Socialising has eclipsed my writing time, and so I am writing less. And while I am very happy to be here, in this new version of my life, I need to find the balance.

This week’s post is quite specific to my own life, but like many of these posts have revealed, I imagine there are many of you who are dealing with something similar. And although it’s uncomfortable, I know we will find the balance eventually. We just need to patient, and understand that how we’re feeling is okay, that it is alright to not feel in sync with yourself at times.

Enigmatic is now in the world!