‘Application Unsuccessful’

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Not all rejections are created equally.

Some of them don’t even register. It is a numbers game after all. You send out work, it gets rejected, you send it out again. This is the nature of the work. Sensitive writers must also have a thick skin, which feels like an oxymoron.

But yesterday I got a rejection for funding that ruined the rest of my day. It fucking stung, and I don’t want to pretend it didn’t. I suppose it’s because it isn’t my first time getting rejected for the same thing, or even the second. The impact of consecutive rejections compounds.

I’ve never been one to only show the highlights. Awful moments happen too, to all of us. And while it may appear that other people are only having good days, the reality is that all of us have bad ones from time to time.

A rejection like the one yesterday makes me question my ability. Whether the work I’m doing is actually of any value. It’s stressful and saddening.

And these questions aren’t all bad. They help me to reflect. I won’t be giving up on any of this. But the humbling nature of a gut-wrenching rejection helps us to refocus. What can I do better? What can I change going forward?

So yesterday was a bad day. Today is better. We’ll move on, and we’ll reapply. We’ll always reapply. The real failure would be staying down, especially when staying down feels like the safest option.